Change is scary

current mood: simultaneously hopeful and skeptical

1-10: 7.5

Apartment searching. Thinking about what I want from a habitation for the next two years. Wanting to stop the cycle of moving twice a year. Affordability vs location vs quality of apartment.

Applying for MinnesotaCare insurance. Thinking about the fact that I may make too much to get it. The line is very fine when the government decides if a person can afford to buy their own health insurance or not. If you make a few dollars too many, then you are deemed rich enough to pay over $150/month for second rate insurance where you're only covered in an accident that may or may not ever happen. And you can forget about dental. I may not get new contact lenses for years...

Thinking about money. And how I don't have any. And how I just need to hold on for a few more weeks...

Thinking about family and friends. And how I need to let them in, keep in contact, share the love.

Thinking about little ambitions of mine. And maybe moving ahead and making things happen. Scariness.

Questions

Current mood: sullen and rebellious

Scale of 1-10: 7.8 and going up:)

Why?

Why did I feel super sexy and satisfied with the size and shape of my body when I was walking home tonight listening to some Kanye West, but felt like a rotund whale when I was singing classical choral music? Who says beauty, and weight, isn't culturally specific? What does it mean when I get hit on more by men who are not of my race? Why does my desirableness matter, anyway?

Reproduction?

Hmm. Probably.

Gettin' holla'd at,

that chic strutting her stuff

Random Thoughts

-"recreational sugar" is a good way to describe those times when eating a thousand cookies becomes justifiable just because they're set out on a plate at a party. It's like crack. (Thanks Jess)

-I have no cash in my wallet and what's worse, I have no receipts in my wallet masquerading as cash. Odd how the little pieces of paper from former purchases make me feel better about no longer having cash.

-I've been napping a lot lately. A LOT. In fact, after this post, I'm going home to nap some more.

-I have a job that will not start for awhile. It's great, but I'm broke for the month of July and am going to donate plasma. Is it really a donation if I'm only doing it for the cash?

-Feeling guilty that I'm not a more giving person. Also that I'm not a more functional person. Also that I didn't put the damn tabs on my license plate and got fined for $108, roughly the amount of money in my bank account. Better start producing a TON of plasma.

-Coffee houses are overrated. Wifi internet connection, however, is not.